Divorce Pain

Dev and Riya had been wonderfully married for 3 years with a 2 year old baby. Riya had never imagined that sexual ignorance in such a close relationships could have a strong bearing on emotional setback leading into a divorce.

Though she always felt that it was a very fulfilling and she cared for everything to maintain the relationship, yet she felt something mysterious in Dev’s nature, but untold until she found the truth of his sexual relationships with a female at his office. “Why did you do that? Why did not you share if you were not feeling fulfilled with me?”

That is where Riya went wrong in understanding a man….No one bothered to tell me exactly how one "lets go" or "moves on" when suffering debilitating emotional pain. You will be in such a situation neither you can forgive the faults of your spouse nor you can take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the marriage.

Men don’t express their dissatisfaction in a majority of cases and rather indulge with other women to explore the unmet need of sex. It was near to impossible for Riya to accept another women in her life; therefore, they broke up after a long chaos and tension.

“Why did you do that?” The question put before Dev stands for all men …. Though it was a very strong relationship emotionally. But, we need to understand that sexual dissatisfaction due to vaginal dryness problem has a strong impact on emotional aspect.

It may sound stressful for women but protecting an emotional bonding demands some sexual interventions are required by women to bind the man.

Regardless of whether you are the one who wanted a divorce or, the one who was left behind, there is emotional pain. 

RACE OF EQUALITY BETWEEN MAN & WOMAN

Power is an illusion. Whoever it owns, it is quite possible for him/her getting misused of it. Since ancient time man had power and domination over woman, he misused it. Today woman empowerment has made woman to be fearless and protected by laws as well as by social institutions and feminists. In recent time I have heard so many stories of empowered woman who is misusing of laws and blackmailing a man. So this is powers game. Only balanced mind can make best use of power.            

          Here I am not talking about which gender is superior or inferior or who should be above or below. Males and females are complement to each other. They are two different species who share responsibility towards each other and society. If we consider this world as a plant then all female are the roots and all male are seeds of the plant, both are different but important.Equality is not important but importance of both should be realised. Men should do their part and women theirs.

         I know that since ancient times some males have done brutality to females in terms of the dowry system, discrimination, and much more. Well today, females (not all) are doing brutality to males in terms of blackmailing, misuses of law, and undue advantage of privileges; not only this, they are playing the woman card. Why are both crossing their respective fields? Both know that racing against each other will kill attraction as well as respect for each other.

          Many persons – males and females – are fulfilling their responsibility; they do not dominate their partner. They are still living happily.

I agree many people don’t try to understand other person and impose over them their philosophy forcefully. We must understand that every person has some drawbacks where he/she cannot adjust, especially on these points other person should adjust. This is vice and versa rule for both.

          Man and woman should be complement and supplement each other and be a whole for none of them can live in harmony without the other.

                       Men should not dominate women and women should not dominate men. But still percentage is high for male-dominating societies/families and it has been there from ages. I just want to say that up to some extent men are habitual of it, or it is their inherent quality, or they deserve it according to their virtue.

                  Actually man does not have ability to change his dominating nature easily. Provided a woman treat him differently then he will respond softly. Now a days some women who are not dependent on him or empowered by law, they have started dominating a man. Due to that man is not in a comfortable situation from inside. He is no more attracted toward that woman today.

I have seen many women are willingly working out as well at home too. There is something (freedom and friends) which makes her happy with the load of double work.  Why should women be pestered into choosing to work out over having babies and being happy?

Why are feminists lying to women that they can look however they want –She is entering into men’s field so that she is free to get so many male attentions, today working lady feels she has so many friends to make jealous her husband any time. A lady working out with an excuse of financial support to family is justified in some cases but otherwise it is just a myth.

After getting married, many couples start feeling bored and uninterested in each other’s bodies within a short span of time and it is just like if you start eating the same type of food every day. Then eventually you’ll get bored and you’ll want change. After getting bored some women don’t hesitate to blame her man for not caring her feeling and praises another man “how caring he is”. 

 It’s just like a man purchases clothes of various types and various colors to have a different taste at different times. It indicates any small disputes will lead to clash of ego and ultimately women have no options but to use her empowerment as a tool against men. 

Modern females are fed up and apologetic having to be called her as passive and caring, she wants now to be looked with all bad male traits such as aggressive and tyranny. She wants to drink wine, she wants to rape, she wants to beat a man, she wants to murder, and she is feeling good in adopting manhood. It is a “dog eat dog world”

Fewer females will take this risk to change a male or to rule over a man. Or they will like to dominate a male at this cost.I think domination by any gender is not appreciated, it should be avoided.       

 There should be equality. This is something women themselves have to fight for. But we find contradiction in our society on this issue. I see one side a woman expect protection and reservation on the other hand she talks about equality…? 

How to change destiny

Karma is the currency of your life. With the karma you credit or debit of your account balance of your life’s pleasure and sorrow, you purchase and create all your life experiences — good, bad, pleasant, and unpleasant. It means our net account balance is destiny, and it totally depends on karma,

The Eagle does not fight the snake on the ground. It picks it up into the sky and changes the battle ground, and then it releases the snake into the sky. The snake has no stamina, no power and no balance in the air. It is useless, weak and vulnerable unlike on the ground where it is powerful wise and deadly. Take your fight into the spiritual realm by praying and when you are in the spiritual realm God takes over your battles. Don't fight the enemy in his comfort zone, change the battle grounds like the Eagle and let God take charge through your earnest prayer....

There cannot be work without motive. Some people want to get fame, and they work for fame. Man works with various motives. By knowing how to work, one can obtain the greatest results.

.

Whatever you may be doing in it, you are not doing that for your own sake. Any action that you do for yourself will bring its effect to bear upon you. If it is a good action, you will have to take the good effect, and if bad, you will have to take the bad effect; but any action that is not done for your own sake, whatever it be, will have no effect on you.

             Work for work's sake. There are some who are really the salt of the earth in every country and who work for work's sake, who do not care for name, or fame, or even to go to heaven. There are others who do well to the poor and help mankind from still higher motives, because they believe in doing good and love good.

If a man works without any selfish motive in view, does he not gain anything?

Yes, he gains the highest. Unselfishness is more paying, only. He can change destiny easily.

People have not the patience to practice it. It is more paying from the point of view of health also. Love, truth and unselfishness are not merely moral figures of speech, but they form our highest ideal, because in them lies such a manifestation of power. So, by non-attachment, you overcome and deny the power of anything to act upon you. It is very easy to say that nothing has the right to act upon you until you allow it to do so; but what is the true sign of the man who really does not allow anything to work upon him, who is neither happy nor unhappy

Develop good habits: your mind will get overwhelmed if you have to make too many decisions every day. If you get habits to choose automatically for you, you will be doing a lot more of the good things that you need without a lot of mental effort.

                        What do you mean –develop good habit, what is habit, when an action is performed regularly and it comes into your habit, then you do not need to apply any force to do this action, then it is done automatically, On the contrary there are so many bad habits in all human beings , these bad habits force you to perform those bad actions even you do not want to do them, now you think how to overcome these bad habits,…? Fine what you have to do first—Try to curb bad habits if possible. If it is uncontrollable don’t get disheartened. Start avoiding attachment with these actions, and just dedicate your all bad and good karma to supreme lord, Just change your thinking , Show him your incapability to do anything , in each action(good or bad) you have to dedicate , pl. do not do mistake that while you are doing bad you are dedicating and while you are doing good then you are sharing your story with other people and taking credit , you have to be honest in dedicating all your actions , never bring the feeling that you have done , this way you can get rid of all bad actions too,

 This self-control will tend to produce a mighty will, a character which makes a Christ or a Buddha. Foolish men do not know this secret; to work we have the right, but not to the fruits thereof." Leave the fruits alone. Why care for results? If you wish to help a man, never think what that man's attitude should be towards you. If you want to do a great or a good work, do not trouble to think what the result will be.

You are the result of what you choose to do in your life. Either you choose the choice or the choice will choose you. We all know at some point what is right for us most of the time. Every time you doing something wrong, you get an inner voice. But most of the time you will find yourself ignoring that voice. And NOT everyone has the courage to ACCEPT it!

So  be honest in accepting both good and bad credits Or be honest to dedicate both good and bad actions,  This formula works or not, you will check it yourself in few years, now if you ask why so long time?  It is because –it takes some time to pure someone, It is not so simple to leave your feeling of doing actions, It needs practice and time too, The day will come you will be only instrument from your innermost heart but in the world people will not see any dramatically change in you, you will be as like others , you can dream , you can do all wishes , you can fulfill all your motives , what will change only your feeling behind doing actions, you will not remain subject. You will dedicate each action. It is only selfishness that causes the difference between good and evil.

Be clear in one thing that selfish motive cannot give result in your favor, then why do we all remain attached to it so much?  you have not to change your actions, Only change the motive, Already you know attachment is the main reason of sorrow, Better if you be unattached about the result right from the beginning of action let it be good or bad,

We have to begin from the beginning, to take up the works as they come to us and slowly make ourselves more unselfish every day. We must do the work and find out the motive power that prompts us; and, almost without exception, in the first years, we shall find that our motives are always selfish; but gradually this selfishness will melt by persistence, till at last will come the time when we shall be able to do really unselfish work. We may all hope that someday or other, as we struggle through the paths of life, there will come a time when we shall become perfectly

Unselfish; and the moment we attain to that, all our powers will be concentrated, and the knowledge which is ours will be manifest.

Thus the man that has practiced control over himself cannot be acted upon by anything outside; there is no more slavery for him. His mind has become free. Such a man alone is fit to live well in the world. To those who have not controlled their own minds, the world is either full of evil or at best a mixture of good and evil. This very world will become to us an optimistic world when we become masters of our own minds. Nothing will then work upon us as good or evil; we shall find everything to be in its proper place, to be harmonious. Some Men, who begin by saying that the world is a hell, often end by saying that it is a heaven when they succeed in the practice of self-control. Only each has to be strenuously practiced. The whole secret is in practicing. First you have to hear, then think, and then practice. This is true of every success,

Parenting big kids when there are differences in values & virtues

All parents start having some expectations from children. And every child born with some character, values and traits. If these values matches with their parents, parenting becomes enjoyable and comfortable but differences in values make the parents interpret different behavior.

In such case First step for mother to stop having any expectation of behaving well or obedience from child, now parents should analyze the traits, virtues, or any demerit peccadillo or drawbacks of the child possess, According to the character of child’s parents should adopt the skill of parenting.

Secondly parents should not be authoritative in such case, they should recall their age- what did they do at that time. If they will understand the compulsion or helplessness of the child, why child is doing this behavior. All child born with all merits or demerits received from parents or grant parents as a genetic effect. Child is bound to behave as per the traits. Most of the parents do mistake in parenting such child where the values are different and expectations of parents are not met.

Upbringing with some expertise can play a major role to change the demerits into merits of the child up to some extent.

Here the parenting skill is required utmost. Storytelling is a way to make them learn cultural values, playful form of teasing and then guiding their behavior, are some way of developing their moral values.

Most important is moms response towards their children’s behavior because children observe very fast, they learn fast through observation, they observe your behavior, mommies should not leave them any moment with negative feeling, your positivism can improve their emotional ability to have even temperament in different situations, They learn from your behavior, therefore you should behave in a controlled manner in front of them. Your reactions at their mistakes matters a lot. Keep your reactions in sophisticated manner.

When we see uninvolved detached and dismissive parenting and thus their children display contradictory behavior. It is very common but hidden fact of the society. Here comes the real importance of parenting.

 Although all mothers are full of attachment, a long lasting emotional bond and faithfulness towards their children but this attachment and faithfulness is also mixed with their expectations which causes disappointments when these expectations are not met and then it becomes dismissive or authoritative parenting. It also makes you helpless to adopt any skill of good parenting.

 It seems very difficult and quite impossible for parents specially when there are differences in values and they have expectations too. So first stop expectations then you can keep control on your behavior and regulate parenting skill properly.

Friendly behavior and ego-less attitude with children makes them to remain open with moms in every matter and when children share everything with you, it becomes very easy to have productive parenting with a fruitful result in terms of changing all demerits into merits. This is called a real nurture.